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Relationships are hard. Yet, as human beings, we are social creatures. We crave the presence of another person to experience life’s challenges and experiences. In this article, I will share six tips for a peaceful, stress-free, and happy relationship.
You might be wondering who am I and whether or not I am in a happy relationship. This is a fair question to ask before reading tips from me.
I am Catherine. I have been married to my husband, John, for over 18 years. We were together for one and a half years before getting married. Most of that time was spent in a long-distance relationship. I lived in Canada, and he was in the United States.
We have three children. He has a daughter from a previous marriage, and we have two children together. In addition, we both work full-time and have done so our entire marriage. Like any couple, we have experienced highs and lows. But, we have remained unified through all of it and have a strong healthy, and happy relationship.
Happy relationship tips
Be friends
I have seen many friends and family members separate or get a divorce. I often notice that these couples lack common interests. Some of them never spend any time together of their free will. Sure, they go watch the kids’ baseball games, but they never do anything just the two of them together.
If you meet someone and realize that all you do together is be intimate, this should be a red flag. For a long-lasting relationship, you need to enjoy each other’s company and share interests. People in happy relationships have one thing in common, they refer to their partner as their best friend.
Discuss and align on your values
When you meet your person and make the decision to embark on a life together, it is important to understand each other’s core values. The main things that often break couples include disagreements about money, faith, sexuality, and kids.
While some of these will naturally get brought up while you are dating, you may need to bring up some of the more difficult questions. As an example, you may be aware that your partner doesn’t attend church with you. Are you okay with this long-term? Assuming that your significant other will change their values post-marriage is a bad idea. You need to have an open and honest discussion around these topics.
One example of early alignment John and I had was around money and spending. Early in our marriage, like many, we had to watch our expenses closely. We had agreed that we would discuss any purchase over $50 with each other. This alignment eventually evolved as our finance changed. However, at each step of our relationship, we have had expectations and agreements as it relates to money.
Agree on chores split
Another huge area for conflict and disagreement relates to who does what in the household. It is common for one person to do more around the house, or at least have the perception that they do.
Rather than being frustrated daily by what your loved one does or doesn’t do, I recommend agreeing ahead of time on who is responsible for all major tasks. Make sure to not forget the less visible chores, such as meal planning and appointment scheduling.
You should also clarify the frequency at which each chore should be performed. If you expect the dishes to be done after each meal, but your partner has in mind to do it while the cupboards are empty, this will for sure create tension and conflicts.
Check out this free printable for chores split. I strongly recommend formalizing the responsibilities to promote a stress-free and happy relationship.
Respect each other’s individuality
You are living with another grown adult that has their past and experiences. There will be things that will surprise, annoy, and frustrate you. There is no way around it.
To maintain a happy relationship, it is critical to remember and respect this fact. You will need to make compromises.
Couples should discuss personal time and hobbies as well. My husband loves to watch football on Sunday. He will not do house chores on Sunday afternoon, it’s clear. I know this fact, and if I need something to be done that maybe he didn’t know, I better bring it up earlier in the week to discuss when we could complete this activity.
Remember to respect your partner for who they are. They are an adult and are allowed to live their life as they see fit. You are not their parent. As long as you have discussed and agreed as a couple on core values and chores split, give each other space and freedom to be and do what you want.
Say what’s on your mind
Most of us can’t read minds. Oftentimes, if something is frustrating us, we simply shut down and get into a bad mood. This isn’t pleasant for anyone and has never fixed a situation.
If your partner did something you didn’t like, tell them. If you wish they helped with spring cleaning, tell them. If you are simply in a bad mood for no reason, it’s okay to say it. You can say: “sorry, I’m grumpy today. You didn’t do anything, it’s just a day”. If you are the recipient of a comment like this, just say: “Thank you for sharing. I will give you your space today”.
If you want a long-lasting relationship, you must accept that you will face ups and downs. Having open and honest conversations with your partner is the only way to navigate this journey and have a fully happy relationship.
If you struggle with having difficult conversations, here is a good resource I have found.
Be each other’s # 1 fan
Your partner should be the person that you can trust unconditionally. Knowing that no matter what, you have each other’s support is so important.
This does not mean that you cannot disagree with your loved one. On the contrary, wanting what is best for someone else sometimes involves discussing different points of view. However, if the other one still chose to pursue a path you don’t fully agree with, you should support them. Cheer them on along the way, and be there when things are difficult.
Finally, always act as a unified front. Whether this is in front of your children, friends, or relatives, always support each other. If a situation makes you feel that you must intervene at the moment, pull your partner aside or text them. We all make mistakes, and sticking by their side, even when you don’t fully agree and when things are difficult, is what we all truly deserve from our life partner.
In conclusion
Relationships are hard. They require work and effort to last a long time. But looking back on 10, 20, or 30 years of life moments as a couple is an amazing thing. Once you find that best friend, follow these tips and enjoy a happy relationship that will last a lifetime.
Thank you for reading.
Cat xx